so..last entry on this site before i use the new one full time (www.xanga.com/blessed_hellride_09)
i came to the realization that i am the biggest asshole in the world...and because of that a lost some of my best friends in the entire universe...and it was all over a stupid band
after the little torn fate ordeal...i blew things way out of proportion..and chose to reflect my anger upon my friends....i guess i have a problem with letting things go..well..a huge problem..i tend to get an idea and then cling on to it forever..and bring it up in the most unorthadox situation...then they gave me a second chance..like real friends..and i went in with an unclear head..the whole summer i had the idea that "matt is an ass" and all this shit driven into my head by numerous ppl...so i guess i went into the whole thing with the "im not taking shit from anyone" attitude..which was not the way to go into it..so anything anyone else in the band said i contradicted..even if in my heart i agreed with it...so needless to say my second run lasted an astounding 3 practices until i was on my own again...with a bitter attitude
so to fight back..i started my own band...the idea in my head was "i have to be better than torn fate"..that is all i wanted...so every problem that band had i gave my all to fix...and just an aside that is A LOT of stress that i did not need seeing how i was already pretty unstable...so when that band folded i was pretty much sour on life itself...i was always in a bad mood and i took it out on my family...which sort of ruined my relationship with my mom..we became pretty distant..which i hate because we used to be really close..but anyway.
so to top it all off...i thought "hmm...adrian hates me for no reason..ill be an ass and take it out on his girlfriend"...ok thats not what i thot haha but for some reason thats what i did...i was a complete ass to everyone associated with that band...so then i hear about this new band starting up..and thats sort of the beginning of this realization...i thought "yea..this is my chance to apologize...this is it...they have matt on guitar..ivan singing...adrian on bass...honky on drums...they need another guitar player"...i had such a big ego that i thought that i was their only choice...well boy did they prove me wrong in a heart beat...sort of a shot to the self confidence...
but i refused to let it faze me on the outside..as much as it killed inside i used sarcasm and anger to get me by....
so then i hear about the unsworn's first show...and one thing i can say is i have always supported torn fate and will the unsworn...i was at every show and will be and that is something that even they will say is true...so i go to the show and ignore the band and they ignore me..i could feel tension..and i didnt even have the balls to walk up to them to buy a demo...i had a friend buy it for me..and yes i did buy one (i like lonely halo the best...wish tide of compromise was on it)....so i watch the show and they did awesome much to my dismay..and i even had a good time...so afterwords i walk out side with josh knight and see adrian and jacque with a group of people...i walk by and jacque says hi to josh...then i hear "fine dont say hi"...i kinda brush it past and we continue walking and josh was like "dude why didnt u say hi to adrians mom she said something to you"...by then i think its too late and keep on walking..and by the time i made it to the bike rack i wanted so bad to go back and say hey...but i couldnt get the courage to face adrian and jacque..it was that feeling of cowardness that inspired me to bring life to this entry...in hope to kill the fued between me and adrian/matt/jacque
so this is to them
guys...having you as friends was something that i will never forget...i loved every minute of it..and took advantage of it...and used it wrongly...i hope that sometime in the future you guys can forgive me...we dont have to be friends..but we dont have to be enemies either..i miss u guys...and i loved every minute of our friendship....
so...farewell www.xanga.com/hard_rock_09
farewell past
farewell asshole dylan
and hello to the future that awaits me....
(which is www.xanga.com/blessed_hellride_09) | 
